Books That Prepped Me For A Committed Relationship
When I was single, people would always say things like “You can’t be with someone else unless you’re good.” Things that made it seem like I had to have it all together before getting into a relationship. Although I don’t find that statement to be entirely realistic, I do think that you should always be working on yourself, for yourself. I also think there’s a lot of value in working on yourself when you’re exploring the idea of dating.
I did a lot of self-work before I met my husband, Marcus. I had already been in therapy for a year and read a ton of self-help books. Most books I came across were how-to’s for finding a man or getting into a relationship. I know those can sometimes be cringe, but I found books that weren’t your “typical” relationship books or weren’t even relationship books at all. I liked books that leaned into my femininity and encouraged me to better myself as a woman.
Here are some of my favorites.
Attached - I think we now all know about attachment styles and love languages from TikTok and Instagram, but before reading this book, I had no idea what an attachment style was. I won’t go into detail because you should read this book, but the attachment styles are anxious, avoidant, and secure. While reading it, I realized I had an anxious attachment style. This attachment style is more fear-based, with some insecurity thrown in there. Learning about this made me realize that I needed to work through all of that. The best part about it for me was that in learning to identify these things within myself, I was able to spot them in the men I met. So, instead of entertaining an anxious or avoidant guy, I learned to look for a secure man. It’s a must-read!
A Return To Love by Marianne Williamson: You know how everyone who likes reading has a few of those life-changing books? This is one of those books for me. There was a point where I found myself afraid to find love because I was afraid of being heartbroken. This book gave me the confidence to find love without fear. Things happen, and sometimes, that’s inevitable. I felt confident knowing that even if the heartbreak occurred, I would get through it. This book taught me that you can’t find love without taking that risk.
I love it so much I’m going to share some of my favorite quotes from the book.
“When we consciously change our purpose from fear to love, we release infinite possibilities of healing.”
“In punishing others, we end up punishing ourselves.”
“It’s far better to communicate than to suppress our feelings.”
“We can grow from any experience, and we can transcend any experience.”
Why You’re Not Married…Yet by Tracy McMillian: This book has mixed reviews. I can see it being controversial because some people find the author’s approach harsh. I felt it was more of a wake-up call for me. Some of her answers to “Why you’re not married yet” were “You’re selfish, shallow, and emotionally unstable/unhealed, you don’t love yourself, you’re not intentional with dating… etc.,” That might not be for everyone, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. I used this book to reflect on the things I could change/improve. I even shared this with a friend who applied some of the teachings to her life and ended up in a committed relationship shortly after. This is a good one! I’m just saying.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz: If you’re not a reader, or you don’t get any of the books I shared, get this one. It’s a must-read for any walk of life. Whether you want to be in a relationship or not, you should get this one because even if you don’t like reading, which so many people don’t, it’s a quick and easy read with powerful principles.
The Four Agreements are pretty popular – but if you haven’t heard of them, they are:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Don’t Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best
These agreements are so helpful while dating, and I still use them in my marriage.
The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida: This book was actually written for men, but I found it helpful as a woman. He discusses women and feminine energy throughout the book. I found this to be great for me, and I thought it was great that men were reading about this. It gave me insight into how men think when it comes to certain things. It also allowed me to view their perspectives through a different lens. There were so many “aha” moments and some validating moments that made me think, “Okay. It’s not just me thinking and noticing these things about men, lol.”
I love reading, and I use it as a tool to learn and better myself, my family, and my relationships. These books have been so helpful for me, but it’s also taken a lot of work. Reading words on a page can be pretty easy, but applying those words to your life can be challenging. Sometimes, you’ll read things that call you out and make you uncomfortable. Sometimes, you read things that change your entire life. Like with all self-help books, take the fish and leave the bones. Not everything will apply to you, but the things that will are worth reflecting on.
Do you have a favorite self-help book? Leave a comment below. I’m always looking for a new read!
